Thwarting Bicycle Thievery!

 I encounter morose folks everyday that are charged with the disheartening task of replacing a stolen wheel, a seat and seat-post, and worst of all their beloved bicycle. There are greedy lazy swindling jerks out there devoid of any decency and lacking any kind of conscience looking to bamboozle your bike, it’s up to you alone to foil their foul intentions.

First you will need the right equipment.

Know that nothing is theft proof, any lock is merely a deterrent to a determined thief. The trick is to layer these deterrents to the point that this sleazy bike snatcher will gaze upon your bike, shake his fists in utter frustration at the skies, and slink away into the shadows in search of more vulnerable prey.  There are several prominent lock manufacturers to choose from, each with a selection of locks ranging from the wimpiest combination cable locks to massively impressive 15-pound chain and shackle.  I suggest looking towards the middle-ground, find something that provides adequate security, yet also something that you are actually going to carry with you, without enduring great burden or discomfort.

For day to day commuting I carry a kryptonite evo mini, supplemented by a steel braided cable. Neither is too cumbersome, and something I can comfortably carry in my bag everyday. I’ll secure my rear wheel and frame with my u-lock (two most valuable components of the bike to replace) and run  the cable through the front wheel.

I’ll feel pretty darn good about strolling away to grab some coffee leaving my bike unattended for 10-15 mins. I might take one last glance over my shoulder before I step in, surveying for any suspicious elements. For longer stays or questionable areas, like downtown for example, I will plan ahead and bring my heightened security u-lock, the kryptonite fahgettaboutit, as well as what I normally bring. Again securing my rear wheel  and frame with the beefier faggettaboutit to the fixed structure,  standard u-lock on the front wheel, and I’ll run the cable through my saddle rails. Locking skewers, made by pinhead or pitlock, replace your quick releases are also an viable option. They secure your wheels and seatpost, necessitating that you only carry a single mini u-lock.  Just remember to always carry that locking skewer key, or you may find yourself with a flat tire and zero ability to fix it.

You may have the right tackle, but such equipment is useless without correct implementation of your devices of anti-thievery. Let’s talk tactics and stratagem.

It would be nice if you could carry all these items everyday, but the fact is in the real world we aren’t always prepared for the unexpected. From unplanned stops to unfamiliar destinations, or just simply forgetting to load your gear. Even in such worst case scenarios, they are solutions. Depending on where you are headed try bringing your bike in with you. If that’s not an option, time to get resourceful. Start by selectively choosing your lock up spot. Make it practice to lock only to bike racks and the few remaining parking meters. Street signs are held in place with a single bolt and nut that can be removed with ease, most already have been booby-trapped in such a manner. You lock your bike the bike burglar comes out, lifts the pole and effectively snags your bike. Just check the bolt, if it is rusted solid or hammered down it may be acceptable. Skinny sidewalk trees can be cut in half in a manner of minutes as well as wooden porch railings. Chain-link fences are also shunned! If it means walking a block or crossing the street to find a spot, do it. Now that you’ve found a spot, inspect it. Give it  kick or a shake, to see if any coconuts fall out. Some racks will have a collection of cut u locks piling up at it’s base, or a few skeletons of fallen bikes that have been ravenously stripped down to frame and bones. It’s a bike theft breeding ground, move along.  Find a stand alone bike rack, in plain view, on a busy sidewalk, a thief may think twice about crowds of people walking by watching him do his dirty deeds.  I’d also caution to steer clear of long  collections of bike racks that you’ll find outside of college campuses, museums, and train stations.  When those things are full no one will think twice about someone bent over pulling on a bike in that tangled mess.  Wheels disappear frequently from such locations.

If there simply isn’t an open spot, usually outside locations of grand interest,  and you’re traveling with a companion, try out this technique, the bike totem. Or in this case an abandoned bike hogging up premium parking. Hoisting your bike up may garner more attention, but it also lessens the leverage any larcenist may have with their tools of plunder. Do not attempt this to a strangers bike, they will perceive it you asserting bicycle dominance, and may result turmoil.

Don’t drive yourself crazy worrying about your bike getting stolen, it will only detract from the joy of cycling. Rather be prepared, take proper precaution, and be smart about it. Okay?